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SYNOPSIS: Talking cats aren't urban
legends anymore, and the Criminal
knows that for a fact.
After killing his pet kitten in an
uncontrollable rage, the guilt forces
him to spend the rest of his life
saving abused animals. It's either
that or commit suicide. Dying while
saving an animal seemed like the
better choice.
It also gives him these
uncontrollable impulses to do crazy
things, like running blindly across a
busy highway to save a bird, or diving
head first off the side of a bridge to
save some drowning bunnies.
He tries to make fun of it, but
ever since meeting his dream girl,
Beth, he worries constantly about
killing her in an uncontrollable rage
too.
He enlist a crazy shrink, Dr.
Zinger, for help, but all she suggest
is that he start a Journal.
This is it, but what's crazy is
while writing it, he also meets a
talking cat, AmyStrange, and begins to
wonder if maybe it isn't a sign that
he's about to go bonkers, out of
control, crazy and maybe kill Beth for
real.
He knows she won't go down easy.
She'll probably kill him first, or
just shoot him in the leg. She carries
a Glock 19 with her everywhere and is
better than an expert shot, even when
she's blindfolded.
The Cat begs the Criminal to help
her escape, and the adventures that
follow are not only hilarious but also
a dark look at the disturbing worlds
of missing persons, euthanasia, animal
abuse and mental illness.
It's truly a joyride through hell.
PART 1: THE ESCAPE
CHAPTER 01
Wednesday, October 15th
(dictated 4:20 pm, Oct 29)
The Criminal finally gets a Journal
going for his Shrink, Dr. Zinger, and
pretends it's October 15th. He
dictates a quick biography, starting
with how he got his nick, the death
of his parents, and how he snapped
and killed his pet kitten, Scratches.
All this leads up to the 15th, when
he risk his life to save six bunnies
from drowning.
CHAPTER 02
Monday, October 20th
(dictated 6:40 pm, Oct 29)
The Criminal is facing serious jail
time for the stupid thing he did to
save those six bunnies, but Randy
Johnson comes to the rescue, and also
becomes his PO (Parole Officer).
CHAPTER 03
Wednesday, October 22nd
(dictated 6:58 pm, Oct 29).
The Criminal explains where he works,
because that's where the "Secret Room"
is at.
CHAPTER 04
Thursday, October 23rd
(dictated 7:16 pm, Oct 29).
The Criminal hears a voice coming from
behind a vent that leads into the
Secret Room. The voice ask him about a
talking horse called Mr. Ed, and then
gives him a clue about three of the
people that worked in there,
Frankenstein and his two evil
assistants.
CHAPTER 05
Friday, October 24th
(dictated 7:21 pm, Oct 29).
The Criminal meets AmyStrange, the
talking Cat, a genetic experiment gone
crazy, and also the voice from behind
the vent. The Criminal quickly agrees
to help the Cat escape.
CHAPTER 06
Saturday, October 25th
(dictated 7:46, Oct 29).
Friday night, Beth and the Criminal do
their first Halloween Patrol of the
year. The next day, the Criminal does
his best not to look crazy, while his
PO comes by with his family for a
barbeque. It's why he waits until
after they leave before telling Beth
about the talking Cat, and of course,
she doesn't believe him. Would you?
CHAPTER 07
Sunday, October 26th
(dictated 8:05 pm, Oct 29).
The Criminal meets up with his secret
friends for their monthly secret
meeting. Beth pretends not to know
anything about it. The Criminal's
arch-enemy is also there, and like
usual, they go at each other like
little children. The Criminal's secret
friends join them on their Halloween
Patrol that night, except Beth doesn't
know anything about it, or so the
Criminal thinks.
CHAPTER 08
Monday, October 27th
(dictated 8:29 pm, Oct 29).
The Criminal finally gets to see
inside the Secret Room. Plus, the Cat
gives him a debit card with ten
thousand dollars on it.
CHAPTER 09
Tuesday, October 28th
(dictated 8:35 pm, Oct 29).
Beth stops pretending that she doesn't
know anything about the Criminal's
secret friends. She also ask him to
marry her, as she pushes him out the
door to go to work. The Cat explains
who everyone was that worked in the
Secret Room, how she learned she could
talk, and also about how she was able
to get the ten thousand dollars.
CHAPTER 10
Wednesday, October 29th,
(dictated 2:22 am, Oct 30).
Beth explains how she learned about
the Criminal's secret friends. The
Cat tells the Criminal about the
scream that changed everything.
Darryl comes over to practice being
a butler. The Criminal finally gets
his Journal started by pretending
it's October 15th.
CHAPTER 11
Thursday, October 30th
(dictated 10:07 pm).
The Cat gives the Criminal another six
debit cards with another ten thousand
on each of them. Beth tells the
Criminal about three obscure
references that a professor at the
College had given her. They were
about talking cats from the past. The
saddest one was allegedly from the
Salem Witch Trials.
CHAPTER 12
Thursday, October 30th
(dictated 2:32 am, Oct 31).
The Criminal, Beth and everyone else
go on their last Halloween Patrol,
before they help the Cat escape. The
Criminal remembers his first Halloween
Patrol, and the second one when he met
Beth.
CHAPTER 13
Friday, October 31st
(dictated 6:11 pm).
An armed military person is guarding
the door to the Secret Room. The
Criminal worries about that for the
rest of the day.
CHAPTER 14
Friday, October 31st
(dictated 1:13 am, Nov 1).
That night, all his secret friends
meet Beth in person, as they get
together to prepare for the Cat's
escape. No one seemed particularly
worried about the armed guard. They
thought the whole talking Cat business
was a ruse to get them together, so
they could announce their engagement.
Little did they know.
CHAPTER 15
Saturday, November 1st
(dictated 7:56 am).
Once they Cat-nap the Cat, the
Criminal is relieved to know he isn't
crazy. The Cat tells his adoring
audience about the money, and the
history of the evil human race
according to her, AmyStrange.
PART 2: THE DISAPPEARANCE
CHAPTER 16
Saturday, November 1st 10:13 am
(5 hours missing).
The Criminal's arch-enemy, Rhonda,
goes missing.
CHAPTER 17
Saturday, November 1st, 10:14 am
(5 hours missing).
And once again, the Criminal says
something stupid, as Rhonda's mother
struggles to get free and scratch his
eyes out.
CHAPTER 18
Saturday, November 1st, 11:18 am
(6 hours missing)
Detective Johnson meets the Cat.
CHAPTER 19
Saturday, November 1st, 11:29 pm
(18 hours missing)
One of the Cat's genetic super powers
is the ability to zone in on where
someone was by scent alone. It was a
great plan until it didn't work. They
end up searching through Ghost Town,
until the rain starts coming down in
buckets. The Criminal, Beth and the
Cat brainstorm until everything
becomes one jumbled mess. Beth suggest
that maybe a little sleep will help
clear their heads.
CHAPTER 20
Sunday, November 2nd, 4:19 am
(23 hours missing).
Beth's idea works, and the Criminal
now knows where he screwed up.
CHAPTER 21
Sunday, November 2nd, 4:20 am
(23 hours missing).
The gang finds Rhonda.
CHAPTER 22
Sunday, November 4:58 am
(Found)
And her sister Stephanie too.
They're both alive, but severely
traumatized by their experience.
CHAPTER 23
Sunday, November 2nd, 5:49 am
(dictated 7:03 pm).
The Criminal literally runs and gets
the Parkers so they can go back to the
hospital to make a positive ID of
Stephanie. The Criminal calls Dr.
Zinger for her help.
CHAPTER 24
Sunday, November 2nd, 8:00 am
(dictated 7:19 pm).
The Criminal does something stupid
again, and almost gets himself killed,
but it works.
CHAPTER 25
Sunday, November 2nd, 10:30 am
(dictated 8:07 pm).
The Cat tells everyone where they're
going to free her buddies, Seattle.
Beth gives Mouse and Pee Wee a tour of
the farm. The Cat doesn't know what a
movie is. Pee Wee and the Criminal
know exactly what her first movie
should be.
CHAPTER 26
Sunday, November 2nd, 11:53 am
(dictated 8:52 pm).
The Cat watches these movies, in this
order, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's
Nest, Casablanca, and Miracle on 34th
Street.
CHAPTER 27
Monday, November 3rd, 1:00 am
(dictated 2:13 am).
The Criminal, Darryl, and the Cat
discuss movies, good and bad people,
giving liquor to a Cat, and the
Darknet.
CHAPTER 28
Monday, November 3rd, 6:29 am
(dictated 10:58 am).
Beth, the Criminal, and the Cat go to
the hospital to see Stephanie and
bring her the bunny the Criminal
promised her yesterday. Dr. Zinger
almost kills the Cat.
CHAPTER 29
Monday, November 3rd, 9:00 am
(dictated 11:31 am).
Since going to Seattle now entailed
going cross-country by Mobile, they
find one that's straight off the
screen of a sci-fi movie. It can
almost turn invisible, and that's
just one of the many, many things it
can do. The gang meets Rhonda’s
friends, Zack and Jack, and also get
a tour of their lab and where the
Mobile was built.
CHAPTER 30
Monday, November 3rd, Noon
(dictated 9:13 pm).
Everyone gets a chance to drive the
Mobile, except the Criminal. He gets
his chance when they get to the
hospital to drop Rhonda off. The
Parkers agree to spend the night on
the Criminal's farm. Everyone else
does too.
CHAPTER 31
Monday, November 3rd, 8:00 pm
(dictated 9:42 pm).
While Beth holds on for dear life,
the Criminal drives to pick up the
Parkers. After coming back alive
with them, Beth gives another tour
of the farm, telling Bowser's story,
and Fang's too.
CHAPTER 32
Tuesday, November 4th, 6:32 am
(dictated 10:14 am).
Everyone spends the night. Beth and
the Criminal spend it sleeping with
their babies. Rhonda joins them. Her
and the Criminal talk over this whole
arch-enemy business before falling
asleep. The next morning, everyone
gets ready to leave, but before they
do, the Cat talks to the Parkers, and
decides that God is a mad scientist,
and also that she lives in the
Criminal's attic.
PART 3: THE ROAD TRIP
CHAPTER 33
Tuesday, November 4th, 2:00 pm
(dictated 11:02 pm).
The road trip officially starts. Pee
Wee drives the first part. The
Criminal takes over in Oklahoma.
CHAPTER 34
Tuesday, November 4th, 7:43 pm
(dictated 11:19 pm).
The Criminal, Beth and the Cat watch
the Wizard of Oz, and the Night of the
Living Dead. Beth explains the Civil
Rights Movement to the Cat, and the
politics of everything else. This one
was the ten-cent version.
CHAPTER 35
Wednesday, November 5th, 1:04 am
(dictated 7:21 am).
The gang hooks up with Denise and they
drive to her house. She actually gets
to see the Cat talk, before she sees
another cat and disappears, the Cat,
not Denise.
CHAPTER 36
Wednesday, November 5th, 3:18 am
(dictated 6:32 am).
The Gang meets Desi and finds out,
really quick, how much of a fan she
is of the old I Love Lucy TV show.
CHAPTER 37
Wednesday, November 5th, 6:52 am
(dictated 8:38 pm).
Another missing person to find. Bo's
wife disappeared six months ago. Bo
owns and runs The Basement, but
unfortunately, the gang can't go
until tomorrow night, when the Beave
isn't there. Two dogs also
disappeared, and they do a drive by
that area instead. The Criminal finds
out if the Mobile can fly or not.
CHAPTER 38
Thursday, November 6th, 12:06 am
(dictated 9:32 am).
A man in black delivers two more
bottles of Jack, courtesy of the Cat
and the Darknet.
CHAPTER 39
Thursday, November 6th, 7:58 am
(dictated 6:42 pm).
Before they go shopping, the gang
takes another look at where the two
dogs disappeared. The Criminal
explains why talking cats will take
over the world and turn us all into
food.
CHAPTER 40
Thursday, November 6th, 5:30 pm
(dictated 12:16 am, Nov 7).
Everyone goes to The Basement,
including the Cat, who the Criminal
finds passed out in the back of a
pick-up. She tells Bo that the
Beave has his wife Axalia, and
during the ensuing shootout, the
Beave is killed by Beth. The Sheriff
tells the gang to be out of town by
sundown.
CHAPTER 41
Friday, November 7th, 10:00 am
(dictated 1:37 pm).
They leave around the time the sun
comes up. The night before, the
Sheriff stopped by to give them some
news on Axalia and the two dogs that
disappeared. The Cat watches some Mel
Gibson movies.
CHAPTER 42
Friday, November 7th, 7:00 pm
(dictated 11:07 pm).
The Criminal wakes up to find the Cat
driving the Mobile using a computer
and joystick. While driving, the
Criminal calls Johnson, Alex and the
other Amy. Beth calls Alicia, Pat and
Denise.
CHAPTER 43
Saturday, November 8th, 2:57 am
(dictated 8:42 am).
The Criminal and Beth both drive into
Portland, Oregon. Mouse takes over
from there. Beth calls Rhonda to get a
live feed of Stephanie's arrival at
the farm. As soon as Stephanie stepped
out of the car, all the cats and dogs
came running to greet her, and then
she saw the horses.
CHAPTER 44
Saturday, November 8th, 9:00 am
(dictated 3:12 pm).
They arrive at Pat Lonsdale's house in
Tukwila, Washington.
CHAPTER 45
Saturday, November 8th, 10:20 am
(dictated 3:28 pm).
The recon mission is set for seven
that night, so everyone decides to
smoke some pot. It's Washington State,
after all.
CHAPTER 46
Saturday, November 8th, 7:00 pm
(dictated 1:54 pm, Nov 9).
SURPRISE!!
EPILOGUE
Sunday, November 9th, 2:14 pm.
The Criminal dictates Rhonda's
interview, and some of Johnson's notes
from the autopsy reports.
Wednesday, November 12th, 1:00 am.
Beth finishes reading the Criminal's
version, and gives her opinion,
including the fact that the Cat told
everyone that she was already
pregnant, the Cat, not Beth.
Saturday, November 15th, 4:20 am.
The Cat adds her two cents, and also
explains her division by zero theory.
If humans can't deal with it, "then
that’s a human problem, and not a Cat
one."
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THE COMPLETE E-BOOK IS NOW AVAILABLE:
To learn how to get Part 1 (FOR FREE),
and where to go to get Part 2 and 3
($3.99 each +tax), go here:
http://www.atomadness.com/
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AmyStrange & the Criminal
(PART 1: THE ESCAPE)
A Novel by Dave Ayotte
Copyright © 2019 by David P. Ayotte
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FIRST 10 PAGES
LAST UPDATED: Monday, July 8, 2019
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