I love you more than you’ll ever  
know Beth, but I really don’t deserve  
you. I really don’t, and that’s the    
brutally honest truth too.             
     She’s why I can dredge up these   
awful memories for you, Doc. We’ve got 
to figure out what’s wrong with me,    
before history repeats itself.         
     I know it’s been fifteen years,   
but remember, I was twenty-one when    
that one happened, and that either     
means I’m long overdue, or it’s just   
down the road a piece.                 
     Even if I wanted to forget, the   
Darkness is always there to remind me  
anyway, but at least now, it’s not as  
bad.                                   
     I still get fits of depression,   
but before I met Beth, if I tried to   
save an animal, and they died, or even 
* if I didn’t try at all, the Darkness     
would fall on me like a ton of fucking 
bricks, and that video would start     
playing again.                         
     I knew that, eventually, the hit- 
ting would start. At least now, I know 
that once I knocked myself out, the    
video would stop, but I didn’t know    
that in the beginning.                 
     It seems like a really crazy,     
off-the-wall, thing to know about my-  
self. In order to get my brain working 
again, I had to do a hard reboot by    
knocking myself out.                   
     I’ve already done it more than a  
couple  dozen  times, 102 to be exact, 
and the next one could be the one that 
turns my brain to mush.                



CHAPTER 1: WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15th
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